.let go.

“My thoughts are completely different from yours,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” {Isaiah 55:8}

Everyday we are faced with choices. Some are fairly simple; others can present themselves as life altering. One thing that I have had to learn through this year is that who you allow to make the choices that present themselves determine who you are. A little over two years ago I was deciding where I was supposed to go to school. I wanted to go to the big schools, the ones that all my high school friends were going to. I had set the course for my life and I had convinced myself that I wouldn’t be happier any other way. Oh how humbling it is when God finally knocks you off of your high horse and you recognize you can’t get back up without his gracious help! God began working on me then and teaching me how to rely on his perfect will for my life.

Are there still times when I want to make a decision based on what my selfish nature desires? Absolutely. Some may be able to grasp this concept of allowing God’s will to prevail in every situation fairly easily, but, admittedly, I know that this will be a lifelong lesson that I will have to learn. Yet how sweet it is to think that God knew this about me before he even created the world. He knew that sometimes he would have to teach me something more than once and that somedays he might need an extra dose of patience when working with me. I am awed by the fact that he considered it all worth it in the end.

This school year has been especially challenging in that I had to come to the realization that it wasn’t going to be the same as last year. I came in to this year with my own agenda and was determined that I would get what I wanted when I wanted it. Thankfully God continued to show me that I am not in control. Of course this had to happen a few times; like I said earlier, it’s a lifelong process for me.

Yet what I love the most about this lesson is that when I look back on when I relinquished what I was clinging onto so tightly over to God, I realize that I would have been so foolish to carry through with my choices. As my parents have told me numerous times before, I would have been settling for the second best when God desires to give us the absolute best. We just have to be willing to allow him to fulfill his pleasing, and perfect, will through us. May we begin to see that God’s script for our life story is a masterpiece compared to our rudimentary attempts. May we begin to let go and let God.

.broken.

Our God is the God of the broken.

  “Crucify him! We have no king but Caesar!” The crowds are becoming restless. The tension gets thicker by the second. Hatred is written on almost every face. Who would want to claim this man as their king? What sane person goes around claiming that they are the Son of God, asking others to eat of his flesh and drink of his blood? Everyone knows that the Messiah will come in power and glory. No one will be able to deny that he will be the one who will redeem us. This man cannot be him!

He is repulsive to look at. He has been scourged and trampled to the point of not even looking like a man anymore. He is ugly now, just a mass of destroyed flesh. Why doesn’t he speak up? Why will he not defend himself? Surely he has something to say at a time like this! If he truly is the Son of God why doesn’t he save himself? What kind of God allows his own son to be treated this way?

He is barely breathing. Yet he still has strength to let out a scream as they begin to nail his arm to the beam. “Crucify him!” Each pound of the mallet brings more bloodshed. He can’t have that much more left to lose. The soldiers raise him up between the criminals. This is the moment everyone has been waiting for.

He is becoming weaker and weaker. The splinters pierce his back every time he pulls himself up for another breath. Time has seemed to stand still for one minute as he yells out, “It is finished!” His head bowed and he was gone. It was over. The hatred that had shadowed faces just hours earlier turned to triumphant pride. This man would no longer cause any problems. Everyone had seen how he had died just like every other man dies.

But why  did he have to die? The criminals had a reason for their punishment; what crime had this man committed? So he claimed to be the Son of God. Many others had done the same thing and no one gave them a second thought. So he performed miracles. It was all illusion anyways, right? So he had followers who were willing to accept his radical message. Humans are prone to do many things that they don’t think all the way through before doing them. Why him? Could he have been telling the truth? Was he really the Son of God?

My heart breaks. I cannot stop the tears that begin to flow down my face. This man did nothing that should have caused him to die a criminal’s death. He was innocent! It’s too late! What have we done? Why did no one speak up? Why did he have to suffer through this? Where is God?

Two days have passed since he was murdered. It is evident that no one has been able to forget that scene. My guilt has overpowered me and I haven’t been able to sleep since that day. Why didn’t I do anything? “He’s alive! He’s risen from the dead!” Am I imagining things? Did I really just hear what I think I heard? Death doesn’t release its captives. How can this be true? But there he is, walking down the road just like he did a few days ago. He barely has a scratch on him save the places he was pierced. He is once again recognizable. Again I can feel the tears freely flowing from my eyes. Truly he is the Son of God!

My broken heart has now been restored. Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead! He is the Messiah! He is the Redeemer! How could I have been so cynical? He was pierced for me. It was my sin that drove those nails deeper and deeper. It was his love for me that held him there.  Oh what a precious gift!

.consistent.

Today I realized that life is constantly changing. No it didn’t take me twenty years to come to know that life is always changing; it took me twenty years to realize how much it truly does change. Life changes minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, month by month, and year by year. Some people who I did everything with five years ago are no longer as prominent in my life. I have lost loved ones to incurable diseases. I have been to countries that I would have never thought I would have the chance to travel to ten years ago. I have met people that still impress me on a daily basis. I have realized the call that God has placed on my life that is so far removed from my childhood dream of becoming a teacher. When I wake up in the mornings, I have no idea who I will run into that day on campus, who I will have conversations with, and half the time I don’t even know my plans for after classes. Every day brings new people, new conversations, new realizations. I am not the same person I was fifteen, ten, five, or even one year ago. At this point the only thing that I am tempted to claim as consistent in my life is my name and my family relations. I will always be named Courtney and I will always have one sister, two parents, grandparents, and lots of uncles, aunts, and cousins. Even when God calls one of us home, they are still related to me. My connections with them will always be consistent.

But that is not the only thing that will continue to be consistent in my life no matter how long I am privileged to live. God will always be God and God will always desire for me to be his daughter. Just thinking about how much he desires to be that one consistency in my life causes me to just stand in awe! God knew before I was born that it would take time for me to grow up and to become an empty vessel that only He can fill. And he knew that it would take me twelve years to realize that my life is not my own and that I was in desperate need of a Savior. He knew that it would take me another six years to finally stop suppressing his calling on my life and relinquish my future fully to him. Oh how humbling to realize that God desired to be patient for my sake!

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” {Hebrews 13:8}

Life may be changing at a pace that is faster than you would choose. God doesn’t change and desires to be that consistency in our lives. He is the same God who created the universe. He is the same God who is guiding me on a daily basis. He is the same God who will reign forever as the King. Who else do you know who has been the same throughout their entire existence? May we never claim that we can even compare to Him.

My life will continue to change; it’s inevitable. But one thing I do know: My God will never change. May you begin to take delight in the realization of the consistency you have in your life and may we be burdened to share this unexplainable peace with others. Our world is in need of something constant; let us be bold enough to reach out to them.

.grandpa.

“The Lord’s loved ones are precious to him; it grieves him when they die.”

{Psalm 116:15}

 

It has been a little over three months since my grandfather went to be with the Lord. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about watching him take his final breaths, knowing that it was a bittersweet moment when he finally went home. My Grandpa was one of the godliest men and I am humbled at the thought that I am his granddaughter.

My Grandpa was one that was truly loved by God. Today I stumbled upon Psalm 116:15 and I couldn’t help but be reminded about Grandpa. The Lord grieved just like we grieved; he also was excited to welcome him home. How I love this thought of God’s heartbreak and love revealed at once! Even though it was hard to deal with our loss, it was and is comforting to recognize heaven’s gain.

God desires for us to be his and when we finally realize we are nothing without him, we become his precious reward. Oh how I want to have the Lord take delight in me! He has lavished me with innumerable blessings; who am I to deny him my life? God gave me a wonderful example through my Grandpa of how to live a life that completely honors him.

Next Saturday is my Grandpa’s memorial service for friends and family that could not make it to the funeral and I cannot wait to hear the stories and memories that others have shared with him. His life was one that was fulfilled through Christ, one that found joy in God alone. I desire for my life to carry on his legacy of a genuine, life-defining relationship with Christ. May I learn more and more everyday how to reflect Jesus like my Grandpa did. Thank you God for allowing me the honor of being blessed by your servant. I am forever grateful.

 

.reality.

Many times I have heard the argument presented that God’s word is no longer relevant to our culture. I do have to agree that some can be a little confusing as to how it applies to us today; however, there are numerous passages that very clearly resonate within our current culture. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I am studying the book of Isaiah this year in my Bible study group. It seems that every time I open up to Isaiah I learn something new that I am just astounded by. I wish I had some wise commentary to go along with this passage, but it is powerful enough to stand alone. God is speaking to the nation of Israel and informing them of their current condition. As you read this passage interchange Israel for the United States. I promise you that if you do so it will open your eyes to the condition of our nation. Welcome to reality.

Listen! The Lord is not too weak to save you, and he is not becoming deaf. He can hear you when you call. But there is a problem–your sins have cut you off from God. Because of your sin, he has turned away and will not listen anymore. Your hands are the hands of murderers, and your fingers are filthy with sin. Your mouth is full of lies, and your lips are tainted with corruption.

No one cares about being fair and honest. Their lawsuits are based on lies. They spend their time plotting evil deeds and then doing them. They spend their time and energy spinning evil plans that end up in deadly actions. They cheat and shortchange everyone. Nothing they do is productive; all their activity is filled with sin. Violence is their trademark. Their feet run to do evil, and they rush to commit murder. They think only about sinning. Wherever they go, misery and destruction follow them. They do not know what true peace is or what it means to be just and good. They continually do wrong, and those who follow them cannot experience a moment’s peace.

It is because of all this evil that deliverance is far from us. That is why God doesn’t punish those who injure us. No wonder we are in darkness when we expected light. No wonder we are walking in the gloom. No wonder we grope like blind people and stumble along. Even at brightest noontime, we fall down as though it were dark. No wonder we are like corpses when compared to vigorous young men! We growl like hungry bears; we moan like mournful doves. We look for justice, but it is nowhere to be found. We look to be rescued, but it is far away from us. For our sins are piled up before God and testify against us. Yes, we know what sinners we are. We know that we have rebelled against the Lord. We have turned our backs on God. We know how unfair and oppressive we have been, carefully planning our deceitful lies. Our courts oppose people who are righteous, and justice is nowhere to be found. Truth falls dead in the streets, and fairness has been outlawed. Yes, truth is gone, and anyone who tries to live a godly life is soon attacked.

The Lord looked and was displeased to find that there was no justice. He was amazed to see that no one intervened to help the oppressed. So he himself stepped in to save them with his mighty power and justice. He put on righteousness as his body armor and placed the helmet of salvation on his head. He clothed himself with the robes of vengeance and godly fury. He will repay his enemies for their evil deeds. His fury will fall on his foes in distant lands. Then at last they will respect and glorify the name of the Lord throughout the world. For he will come like a flood tide driven by the breath of the Lord.

“The Redeemer will come to Jerusalem,” says the Lord, “to buy back those in Israel who have turned from their sins. And this is my covenant with them,” says the Lord. “My Spirit will not leave them, and neither will these words I have given you. They will be on your lips and on the lips of your children and your children’s children forever. I, the Lord, have spoken!”   {Isaiah 59}